最近真的好不开心 一直被负面情绪影响
人家说游戏玩得太认真 你就输了 可不是认真玩 怎么知道自己是不是赢家呢？
负面思想来袭 一方面是课业上 一方面是友情上 另一方面而因为你 或许自己真的想太多了
不喜欢的事情实在是太多了 你也不能因为要满足自己而要他人改变吧？ 你自己都不喜欢被改变。
一直嫌弃自己 很讨厌现在的自己 自信去哪儿
人比人会逼死人 难受
自卑。
Monday, 30 March 2015
Monday, 16 March 2015
Stressed.
How to communicate with others or different people will not be a problem for me but how comes I will feel so hard to interact well with this group members and I feel I had been ignored because of I'm the only one outsider? I feel disappointed and desperately depressed in these few weeks. It's not the first time I faced the problem like this. I had tried my best to join them and made jokes with them but since my efforts are useless.
I think I have not to blame them because this might happen on me to others. Maybe. As people grew up, you have to know that how cruel is the reality and learn to accept it. You can't change the people's mind then you change yours. Keep in my mind, dear me.
Thanks being so patient to listen what I had met and the unhappiness things that happened in these few days/weeks. I knew that my temper is started to being bad again recently. I showed my face to you whenever I feel something is not cheer me up or whatever things that I don't like to listen to. I feel guilty too but I didn't tell you maybe is the face problem.
Pessimistic always kills my sanguine and I was like finally understand why those people will commit suicide when they failed to build relationship with others and I knew that kind of feeling. They need someone to listen to their heart. Fortunately, I still have friends and you that can be my truly listeners. I'm the fortune one, remember it.
Sorry daby, I knew I always make you frustrated and worried.
I will always love you. :(
I think I have not to blame them because this might happen on me to others. Maybe. As people grew up, you have to know that how cruel is the reality and learn to accept it. You can't change the people's mind then you change yours. Keep in my mind, dear me.
Thanks being so patient to listen what I had met and the unhappiness things that happened in these few days/weeks. I knew that my temper is started to being bad again recently. I showed my face to you whenever I feel something is not cheer me up or whatever things that I don't like to listen to. I feel guilty too but I didn't tell you maybe is the face problem.
Pessimistic always kills my sanguine and I was like finally understand why those people will commit suicide when they failed to build relationship with others and I knew that kind of feeling. They need someone to listen to their heart. Fortunately, I still have friends and you that can be my truly listeners. I'm the fortune one, remember it.
Sorry daby, I knew I always make you frustrated and worried.
I will always love you. :(
Tuesday, 10 February 2015
Slacking
I left you almost one month but I had tried to update some latest statues within this period and at last I didn't manage to complete a full and nice post.So, it just ended like this- LEFT IT BLANK.
Time passed so fast as we are getting older and older. It's already week 5 and busy for assignments, reports and tests but seems I am still slacking all the time even during in the lecture class. Totally don't know what the hell the lecturer is talking and I have to understand myself. I feel a little bit of stresses because I found that QS path is not that easier as I thought. I'm feeling fortune because the past two semesters I managed to pass it and now I'm scared because it is hard to keep my CGPA above the range of 3.0. Subjects are getting harder and harder :(
The worst is I have no motivation to study and improve my knowledge in this field. Sometimes, I might think that what had I actually learnt in that past two semesters? It seems like not much things that I really learn with understanding except Measurement. The feeling of regret is coming again but I forced myself to think positively. It's really bad thinking.
To be continued...
Written by Catherine Ther.
Time passed so fast as we are getting older and older. It's already week 5 and busy for assignments, reports and tests but seems I am still slacking all the time even during in the lecture class. Totally don't know what the hell the lecturer is talking and I have to understand myself. I feel a little bit of stresses because I found that QS path is not that easier as I thought. I'm feeling fortune because the past two semesters I managed to pass it and now I'm scared because it is hard to keep my CGPA above the range of 3.0. Subjects are getting harder and harder :(
The worst is I have no motivation to study and improve my knowledge in this field. Sometimes, I might think that what had I actually learnt in that past two semesters? It seems like not much things that I really learn with understanding except Measurement. The feeling of regret is coming again but I forced myself to think positively. It's really bad thinking.
To be continued...
Written by Catherine Ther.
Monday, 19 January 2015
泪崩。
好久没有那种感觉 那种放声大哭 纾解纾解这累计的压力
可惜的是我只能躲在厕所里默默的大哭 那种感觉好无助 痛彻心扉
其实我自己觉得我做人真的好失败 感觉自己哪里都做不好的 好像满足不到你的需求 我也很努力地在做更好的自己
那第一次的恋爱 我真的真的有好好反省自己的过错 虽然出轨的人不是我 但让我们的感情路变质 多多少少也有我的责任
刚开始真的很恨他 可是慢慢地我也在自我反省 其实我自己不是个很称职的女朋友
那时候的自己只会无理取闹 什么都不认错 很固执 什么都要你哄才肯罢休
在分手以后 其实我也发现其实你爱的比我多 只是我让你太累了 累得喘不过气
就在那时候 我已下定决心 做个更好的自己 我更努力地生活 改变自己的态度 更认真的学习
我告诉自己要变得更好 因为我想在自己第二段恋爱时 可以更成熟 更珍惜 这一切切的目标我依然牢牢记得
我自己觉得自己的是有改变 如果跟以往的自己做比较
在第二段的恋爱 我真的很努力也很珍惜 我承认我很喜欢他 可是我不知道他是不是也一样那样很喜欢我
爱情里面 总有一方会比另一方爱得多 也有一方也会比另一方付出的更多
我知道我这样做比较是很不好的行为 但是矛盾的是在我这么样想的同时我也在阻止自己那样想
我承认这几天我真的真的很不开心 很伤心 很失落 心里总是在想着那个为什么 是我不是我爱得太多了？
可能我自己都不善于表达 有什么事都喜欢收在心里 不开心只能写在脸上 伤心只能收在身上
很想问你的是 是不是都不管我的想法了？
我不想解释 我选择回避 我想要你认真的思考思考 其实你明白我要的是什么吗？ 我不敢去想。
还记得我告诉你 我曾经把你跟其他人的男朋友做比较吗 我知道这样是不对的 你是你 可是有时候自己真的很羡慕那些人的男朋友 我只是没有告诉你罢了 因为每次这样想 我会觉得自己是不是要求太多 我不想自己变回那个以往的自己
但是 我毕竟是个女生嘛 我还是偶尔会怄气 我想要的是一个会为我花心思 为我用心的男生
可惜这几点似乎慢慢地消失了 可能是自己要求多多 期望太多 失望
在厕所哭了好一阵子 冲个凉 在电脑前又是泪着打字 我也不知道自己想要干嘛
我好想告诉你其实我在想什么 可是我又不知道要怎么样开口
信息我没回复 你也没有再找我
也许你知道现在的我在哭着 可是你却没有任何举动
真的很讨厌这些脆弱的眼泪 一点都不争气 说哭就哭 很不喜欢这样很丑的自己
原谅我在这里抱怨
很累。
可惜的是我只能躲在厕所里默默的大哭 那种感觉好无助 痛彻心扉
其实我自己觉得我做人真的好失败 感觉自己哪里都做不好的 好像满足不到你的需求 我也很努力地在做更好的自己
那第一次的恋爱 我真的真的有好好反省自己的过错 虽然出轨的人不是我 但让我们的感情路变质 多多少少也有我的责任
刚开始真的很恨他 可是慢慢地我也在自我反省 其实我自己不是个很称职的女朋友
那时候的自己只会无理取闹 什么都不认错 很固执 什么都要你哄才肯罢休
在分手以后 其实我也发现其实你爱的比我多 只是我让你太累了 累得喘不过气
就在那时候 我已下定决心 做个更好的自己 我更努力地生活 改变自己的态度 更认真的学习
我告诉自己要变得更好 因为我想在自己第二段恋爱时 可以更成熟 更珍惜 这一切切的目标我依然牢牢记得
我自己觉得自己的是有改变 如果跟以往的自己做比较
在第二段的恋爱 我真的很努力也很珍惜 我承认我很喜欢他 可是我不知道他是不是也一样那样很喜欢我
爱情里面 总有一方会比另一方爱得多 也有一方也会比另一方付出的更多
我知道我这样做比较是很不好的行为 但是矛盾的是在我这么样想的同时我也在阻止自己那样想
我承认这几天我真的真的很不开心 很伤心 很失落 心里总是在想着那个为什么 是我不是我爱得太多了？
可能我自己都不善于表达 有什么事都喜欢收在心里 不开心只能写在脸上 伤心只能收在身上
很想问你的是 是不是都不管我的想法了？
我不想解释 我选择回避 我想要你认真的思考思考 其实你明白我要的是什么吗？ 我不敢去想。
还记得我告诉你 我曾经把你跟其他人的男朋友做比较吗 我知道这样是不对的 你是你 可是有时候自己真的很羡慕那些人的男朋友 我只是没有告诉你罢了 因为每次这样想 我会觉得自己是不是要求太多 我不想自己变回那个以往的自己
但是 我毕竟是个女生嘛 我还是偶尔会怄气 我想要的是一个会为我花心思 为我用心的男生
可惜这几点似乎慢慢地消失了 可能是自己要求多多 期望太多 失望
在厕所哭了好一阵子 冲个凉 在电脑前又是泪着打字 我也不知道自己想要干嘛
我好想告诉你其实我在想什么 可是我又不知道要怎么样开口
信息我没回复 你也没有再找我
也许你知道现在的我在哭着 可是你却没有任何举动
真的很讨厌这些脆弱的眼泪 一点都不争气 说哭就哭 很不喜欢这样很丑的自己
原谅我在这里抱怨
很累。
Sunday, 11 January 2015
The Day Before Year 1 Semester 3 Start
Result had been released a few days ago and it was out of my expectation. It's really shocked me a lot and made me down but mood turned better after awhile.
I still remembered that I had set a aim for my semester 2 but the sad case was I could't achieve it. I thought that the English subject I could get at least B something but unfortunately I got a C+ for it.
It's really shocked me a lot and I couldn't accept it because I didn't get such result in the past (what I meant is in tertiary study). If I can make it better, maybe my CGPA wouldn't drop. Just what if......
And, the one I worried, I get a better result. I am so lucky.
I was thinking that what if both subjects I score badly..I don't know how my parents will think of me especially those put high expectation on me.
Sorry, I didn't manage to make it well in last semester.
I wish that I could pay more attention in this semester since this semester consists of a few heavy subjects.
I'm scared.
School gonna start tomorrow. Everything will be new again for me.
A long long time didn't separate with friends and it's the time for me to be independent again.
I hope that I can be stronger like when I'm in foundation; I can settle my things very well; I'm hardworking and put efforts on academic; I'm sociable.
Hopefully I can do it well.
There's 3 days left and I'm gonna to step into 20.
Maybe the time we grew up, the happiness will lost gradually.
I feel nothing for my coming up birthday.
I just wish that everything can be fine and everyone is in healthy and happy. That will be the biggest wish for me.
To be continued...
Written by Catherine Ther.
I still remembered that I had set a aim for my semester 2 but the sad case was I could't achieve it. I thought that the English subject I could get at least B something but unfortunately I got a C+ for it.
It's really shocked me a lot and I couldn't accept it because I didn't get such result in the past (what I meant is in tertiary study). If I can make it better, maybe my CGPA wouldn't drop. Just what if......
And, the one I worried, I get a better result. I am so lucky.
I was thinking that what if both subjects I score badly..I don't know how my parents will think of me especially those put high expectation on me.
Sorry, I didn't manage to make it well in last semester.
I wish that I could pay more attention in this semester since this semester consists of a few heavy subjects.
I'm scared.
School gonna start tomorrow. Everything will be new again for me.
A long long time didn't separate with friends and it's the time for me to be independent again.
I hope that I can be stronger like when I'm in foundation; I can settle my things very well; I'm hardworking and put efforts on academic; I'm sociable.
Hopefully I can do it well.
There's 3 days left and I'm gonna to step into 20.
Maybe the time we grew up, the happiness will lost gradually.
I feel nothing for my coming up birthday.
I just wish that everything can be fine and everyone is in healthy and happy. That will be the biggest wish for me.
To be continued...
Written by Catherine Ther.
Saturday, 3 January 2015
麻木。
已经不是第一次了。
一次次的伤害 其实在某一天 心淡了 也开始没有什么感觉了 应该说是 麻木了
一直以来 我就是很不喜欢自己的家庭背景 更不喜欢自己的家人 尤其是自己的父母亲
父亲 就不那么多说了 那种没有关怀 没有把自己的女儿看待的父亲 还算是父亲吗？ 就只不过是把我当着宠物那样代养 把家用丢来 什么都不理会 数年见一次面 见面却没有话谈
即使是只宠物 也是需要培养感情的
我只不过是你所谓的负担
母亲 一直以来都不被喜欢的我 从小就很不喜欢我 这个我也知道
心情笔录记载的 不是作假的 因为小孩心灵感受很重要 我也深深被你影响
虽然近年来 你对我的态度好转许多 但是你却还是那张嘴 那张出口伤人不给人脸色的嘴 我最讨厌的嘴 最讨厌的态度
一直以来 你最疼惜的是姐姐和妹妹 这是大家有目共睹的 不是我觉得而已 弟弟那笔就不要算进来好了
我从来没有埋怨过 或是说你对姐姐还是妹妹特别好 我吃醋
因为我深深明白 钱才是你的 爱是你的 东西是你的 你喜欢给谁就给谁 因为那根本就不专属于我 所以我也不会向你要那些不属于我的东西 等你喜欢 你要给我 我就收进来 就那么多
只是不明白 为何你喜欢偏袒妹妹
我很不开心你说我 说我像姐姐那样吃醋
我并非吃醋 我没有妒忌你给她的 却没给我 还是什么
只是我以事论事 不明白为什么明明是她的不对 你却要我不可以 不能 不许这么想 这么说 这样反抗
你最厉害的话只有“反正多你少你一个也不嫌少 我有的是女儿”
这句话我会深深记得 也许 可能 或者是你觉得其实没什么大不了 可以很无所谓的 却不知道这句话是最刺伤我 可能你真的不理会
笨笨的我 才会选着哭泣 心痛 还一而再再而三地选择算了吧
衰在你们懂我心软 被哄几回 就好了 没事了
我不喜欢那种被无赖的感觉 一直以来都不喜欢
妹妹
其实这个字越来越陌生 应该不能再对你称 妹妹了 你对我来说是个“她”
是不是贪我好欺负 好欺骗
从以前姐姐就告诉我你不是个简单的家伙 其实我一直不敢去相信
但当越来越大 我渐渐地发现到其实你一点都不简单了
是我变聪明了 还是什么
你可以在这里做戏哭着说对不起 做猴子戏给大家看 转眼传简讯说你不原谅我也罢
你可以在这里假装跟我道歉 背后里说我除了小气还是小气
其实你的对不起变得很不值钱
也许给以前的我 我铁定心软原谅你了
不过自从那第一次的吵架后 其实我根本没有真心的原谅你
我对你的态度也比较冷漠 因为我想保护自己 我不想被欺负了
我那次的原谅 只是不想让人觉得我很小气 所以很随便的接受了你的道歉
我有我的生活 不需要你的摆布
从那次我就没有当过你是我的妹妹
你只不过只是个 她
才刚踏入2015年的几天 小人是非就发生
我没有哭泣 只是心有点耿耿于怀 才在这里释怀
说完就算
心情保持开朗最重要
所以对我来说 家 只不过是给我睡觉的地方 我真的没有什么好留恋的
可以的话 我希望小时候的愿望会成真
我一定要它成真
等着我吧。
牛笔。
Wednesday, 31 December 2014
Happy New Year_2O15
Hey! Happy New Year to all my lovely friends and my family :)
Nothing special on yesterday; No countdown; No celebration; But thanks for your accompany by voice calling. I feel much more better and warm when chit chatting with you although it's not physically but mentally together.
2O14 was a really nice year for me compared to the past.
I do miss it and promise to be more better in 2O15.
Hopefully there's lucky star will go along with me since I was very lucky in 2014.
Every hardships that I met, I can solve it easily and thanks a lot to people who had helped me a lot in my pathway.
I'm feeling blissful after that I had met you. Once, thank you again.
You aren't the perfect guy but who always cares me more than others.
And, I admit that I'm being to make trouble out of nothing sometimes but you are willing to listen me and change after it although you always complain about me.
Maybe, this is so called 所谓刀子嘴，心软子.
Thanks being part of my life :)
2O14 wish list
1. Be independent (/)
2. Be stronger (/)
3. Gain experience in working (/)
4. Be slimmer
5. Save money
6. Be pretty
7. Be shopaholic
8. Buy things that I wanted
9. Study Hard, Study Smart to get good result
10. Travel (/)
I failed to do many things that I wanted to do >.<
2O15 wish list
1. A long lasting relationship with you
2. Gain more experiences in variety of jobs
3. Be slimmer ( is a must!)
4. Save money
5. Be pretty
6. Buy things that I wanted
7. Travel all around Malaysia
8. Study hard, study smart to improve more CGPA
9. Stay sanguine always >.<
Wish that I could make it and be persist in it.
Happy New Year.
Written by Catherine Ther.
Nothing special on yesterday; No countdown; No celebration; But thanks for your accompany by voice calling. I feel much more better and warm when chit chatting with you although it's not physically but mentally together.
2O14 was a really nice year for me compared to the past.
I do miss it and promise to be more better in 2O15.
Hopefully there's lucky star will go along with me since I was very lucky in 2014.
Every hardships that I met, I can solve it easily and thanks a lot to people who had helped me a lot in my pathway.
I'm feeling blissful after that I had met you. Once, thank you again.
You aren't the perfect guy but who always cares me more than others.
And, I admit that I'm being to make trouble out of nothing sometimes but you are willing to listen me and change after it although you always complain about me.
Maybe, this is so called 所谓刀子嘴，心软子.
Thanks being part of my life :)
 |
| 要好好爱 <3 |
To be better me, to make better year, I should do a wish list.
2O14 wish list1. Be independent (/)
2. Be stronger (/)
3. Gain experience in working (/)
10. Travel (/)
I failed to do many things that I wanted to do >.<
2O15 wish list
1. A long lasting relationship with you
2. Gain more experiences in variety of jobs
3. Be slimmer ( is a must!)
4. Save money
5. Be pretty
6. Buy things that I wanted
7. Travel all around Malaysia
8. Study hard, study smart to improve more CGPA
9. Stay sanguine always >.<
Wish that I could make it and be persist in it.
Happy New Year.
Written by Catherine Ther.
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